The One Where I Press Publish

Well, that's it. I'm doing it. It's going out there for the world to see, and I'm hiding behind a cushion and trembling like a nervous whippet on firework night. The business is going LIVE.

After around a month of beavering away at my laptop and making preparations, today on Saturday 11th February 2023, I am about to press that ominous blue button in the corner of my screen and launch my website into the ether.

I wanted to take a few moments to document the thoughts that I've had leading up to this moment. Heaven forbid that anyone would think I am as collected as I appear. At work, I am often told "You're always so calm." which is a phrase that I receive with gratitude, pride and more than a hint of disbelief. I like to think of myself as a slightly clumsy swan: swimming smoothly on the surface (occasionally tripping over, which ruins the analogy slightly due to the water element) but paddling like mad underneath. I'm the Queen of What If, and I don't mind sharing that bit of vulnerability because writing itself is baring a small part of your consciousness to the world. So, if you're looking to kill 5 minutes, or the paint you were watching has already dried, feel free to have a quick rifle through my thoughts which you can find below.

• What if no-one reads it?

Mortifying. You put in all that effort and no-one will ever know. In fact, your writing will be so uninspiring that people at Wix will have the good sense to publish it all in white text on a white background so as to spare humanity the vague boredom of reading it.

• What if I forget how to write?

In my mind, the moment I press publish, I will suddenly become fluent in only Egyptian hieroglyphs and a qwerty keyboard will become meaningless to me. I will lose all dexterity in my hands and believe that a pen is nothing more than a device for fiddling with during meetings. My vocabulary will become limited to three words and they will not be useful ones that are conducive to building a sentence. Most likely: pangolin, lampshade and Starbucks.

• "What if they say "Get out of here, kid. You've got no future."?"

Forgive me. I can't resist a Back to the Future reference when it falls into my lap at 88mph. Nonetheless, the bullet point still stands. Unlike Marty McFly, I could take that kind of rejection, but I wouldn't volunteer myself for it. However, pressing publish feels like exactly that.

• What if, just maybe, it actually works?

Stick with me, here. What if I do this? What if I help even one person to promote their business by doing what I love? What if some kind benefactor takes pity on me, throws me a bone and gives me something to write? What if someone else sees it and then they ask me to write and the metaphorical snowball keeps building into an actual grown-up business? Is that even possible?

I guess there's only one way to find out...

Gentlemen, start your engines.

Frankie